Shameless litRPG Trash

Updates: 2 chapters a week Thu, Fri at 14.17 BST. This story contains: • Isekai'd Dave, who spends thousands of years cultivating in a cave. He Ascends, and accidentally lands right back on modern Earth. The local System assigns him a class: Homeless Old Gardener and forces him to grow mushrooms to level up. • A Half-Elf, Half-Cat, Half-Demon Princess whose appearance triggers the Earth System’s strict PG-13 censorship algorithms, so she is perpetually buried in floating blue boxes and forced to do commercial AC 'fan service' to unlock her powers.   • A Giant Sentient Sword, self-named the Compensator, who keeps getting degraded by the System into common garden tools (shovel to spork) as punishment for profanity, forcing him into terrible horticultural puns. • A Bottom-of-the-Barrel Superhero Team of litRPG parodies called The Efengers, featuring not-Carl, not-Jake, not-Jason, not-Ilea, not-Zac and not-Erin, who can’t decide whether to assassinate Dave or invite him to a barbecue.  • An Estimated Time of Apocalypse in 30 days, featuring a world-ending space dragon coming to destroy the Earth because her dragon husband was trying to cheat on her. Meanwhile, the MCs are way too busy gardening and playing board games to care.   If you love comedic chaos, unhinged parody, and overbearing Systems, jump in!