
by Epicanis
Murderous bands of gnolls slaughter and vanish! Demons conspire with mortals! The restless dead walk the land of the living! Who can save the Monarchy of Casusia? Some stories of heroic adventure are noble works of literary art, some are trashy stories of violence and looting, but all of them gloss over a lot of the practical realities of the profession. Our protagonists (a traditional, if "unoptimized", ensemble of characters) realize this, but they take up the profession anyway. Empirical Gnollage by Epicanis (pseud.) is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 Updates approximately every 10-14 days! Okay, are they gone? TTRPG Players and DMs: this is a simulated "sandbox" campaign, and the "system" is the well-known Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition SRD. My challenge here is to create a coherent, logically-consistent, and entertaining story within the constraints of the rules as I would want to run them in a "live" game. I'll be exploring how to interpret the rules of the official SRD in ways that make a good story while avoiding "exploits" and the rules intruding into the narrative. Our protagonists are starting as level 1 characters of classes defined in the Creative-Commons licensed SRD. The setting will try to stick to the same tropes, themes, and interpretations that are common to the commercial materials as much as it can without trespassing on anyone's Intellectual Precious. Brief explanations of where the "system" fits into the narrative will be provided as subtle "hovertext" tooltips, with more details to be posted separately elsewhere. Everything I publish around "Empirical Gnollage" is offered under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike license, including custom subclasses, spells, items, locations, characters, creatures, and plothooks that show up in the story, and in supplemental material. This story will not be "stubbed" and put behind a paywall anywhere. And, if you don't care about any of that, you can still enjoy the story all by itself. Thanks for reading!
| # | Title | Words |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 0001 - Starting the Story in a Tavern, as is Tradition | 0 |
| 2 | 0002 - Notamimic Manor | 0 |
| 3 | 0003 - What's Inside? | 0 |
| 4 | 0004 - Dramatic Victim of the Creature's Jaws | 0 |
| 5 | 0005 - The Helpless Gnomish Maiden | 0 |
| 6 | 0006 - Brunchtime with the Beast | 0 |
| 7 | 0007 - Origins | 0 |
| 8 | 0008 - Plan of Attack | 0 |
| 9 | 0009 - The Smart One | 0 |
| 10 | 0010 - The Strangest Clan | 0 |
| 11 | 0011 - Belated Realization | 0 |
| 12 | 0012 - Decision | 0 |
| 13 | 0013 - Preparations | 0 |
| 14 | 0014 - Preparation for Departure | 0 |
| 15 | 0015 - Return to Silveroak | 0 |
| 16 | 0016 - Tavern Travails | 0 |
| 17 | 0017 - Shopping for Supplies | 0 |
| 18 | 0018 - Gerhardt's Apothecary | 0 |
| 19 | 00019 - The Tavern Awaits | 0 |
| 20 | 0020 - Adventurers Need Rest | 0 |
| 21 | 0021 - The Road to Henhaven | 0 |
| 22 | 0022 - The Rest of the Road to Henhaven | 0 |
| 23 | 0023 - What Preys on Henhaven? | 0 |
| 24 | 0024 - The Beast is Found | 0 |
| 25 | 0025 - Close Encounter of the Bestial Kind | 0 |
| 26 | 0026 - We Leave at Dusk | 0 |
| 27 | 0027 - Tonight, We Kill the Beast! | 0 |
| 28 | 0028 - The Beast's Guards | 0 |
| 29 | 0029 - Peace for the Dead | 0 |
| 30 | 0030 - Down in the Cellar | 0 |
| 31 | 0031 - Portrait of the Former Residents | 0 |
| 32 | 0032 - The Beast's Lair | 0 |
| 33 | 0033 - The Deal is Done | 0 |
| 34 | 0034 - Demon, interrupted | 0 |
| 35 | 0035 - First Quest - Complete! | 0 |
| 36 | 0036 - Mom | 0 |
| 37 | 0037 - Contents | 0 |
| 38 | 0038 - The Rightful Baron | 0 |
| 39 | 0039 - The Baron's Game | 0 |
| 40 | 0040 - The Game is Won | 0 |
| 41 | 0041 - Don't Fight the Donkey | 0 |
| 42 | 0042 - Drunken Revelry | 0 |
| 43 | 0043 - Research and Recreation | 0 |
| 44 | 0044 - Visit the Chicken | 0 |
| 45 | 0045 - Eats Bears and Leaves | 0 |
| 46 | 0046 - The Road to Turnipseed | 0 |
| 47 | 0047 - The Root of the Quest | 0 |
| 48 | 0048 - Rustic Accomodations | 0 |
| 49 | 0049 - Advance Payment | 0 |
| 50 | 0050 - Morning in Turnipseed | 0 |
| 51 | 0051 - Goblins in the Way | 0 |
| 52 | 0052 - Willingly Entombed | 0 |
| 53 | 0053 - Looking for the Dead | 0 |
| 54 | 0054 - The Temple and its Dangers | 0 |
| 55 | 0055 - Loot the Bodies | 0 |
| 56 | 0056 - Magic Dagger and Other Treasures | 0 |
| 57 | 0057 - Violent Salad | 0 |
| 58 | 0058 - Someone is Dying at the End of This Installment | 0 |
| 59 | 0059 - Where Do Gnolls Go When They Die? | 0 |
| 60 | 0060 - Inanimate Friends | 0 |
| 61 | 0061 - Angry Mud | 0 |
| 62 | 0062 - One Last Tribute | 0 |
| 63 | 0063 - Onward to Cleanliness | 0 |
| 64 | 0064 - Heading Out Through the Swamp | 0 |
| 65 | 0065 - The...Tavern | 0 |
| 66 | 0066 - Bloodsucking Parasites, Hunger, and Fatigue | 0 |
| 67 | 0067 - Restless Bloodless Night and Day | 0 |
| 68 | 0068 - They Came from the Bloodless Swamp | 0 |
| 69 | 0069 - Fan Service | 0 |
| 70 | 0070 - Pretty Smelly | 0 |
| 71 | 0071 - Payment or Service? | 0 |
| 72 | 0072 - Hell's Bathtub's Marketplace | 0 |
| 73 | 0073 - Successful Day at the Market | 0 |
| 74 | 0074 - To the Meeting | 0 |
| 75 | 0075 - The Meat of the Meeting | 0 |
| 76 | 0076 - Welcome to the Conspiracy | 0 |
| 77 | 0077 - Hired to Clean the Baths | 0 |
| 78 | 0077½ - BONUS: Letter to Headquarters | 0 |
| 79 | 0078 - Loading Up and Heading Out | 0 |
| 80 | 0079 - The Bathhouse Below | 0 |
| 81 | 0080 - A Snack, Track, and ATTACK! | 0 |
| 82 | 0081 - Drunken Goblin Violence | 0 |
| 83 | 0082 - Wrathful Spirit | 0 |
| 84 | 0083 - Let Me Borrow This | 0 |
| 85 | 0084 - That Spider's Not Going to Step on Itself | 0 |
| 86 | 0085 - Get It Off Me! | 0 |
| 87 | 0086 - Prepare Carefully, This Might Be Dangerous! | 0 |
| 88 | 0087 - Don't Dead Open Inside | 0 |
| 89 | 0088 - It's Raining (Dead) Men | 0 |
| 90 | 0089 - Get Rid Of Them | 0 |
| 91 | 0090 - Retrieval Team | 0 |
| 92 | 0091 - A Parting Gift | 0 |
| 93 | 0092 - Not-Vampires Return to Hell's Bathtub | 0 |
| 94 | 0093 - Meeting Invitations | 0 |
| 95 | 0094 - Morning and Magistrate | 0 |
| 96 | 0095 - Performance Evaluation | 0 |
| 97 | 0096 - Committment | 0 |
| 98 | 0097 - The Cause | 0 |
| 99 | 0098 - What Can Be Done With A Gnoll? | 0 |
| 100 | 0099 - Gnoll Employment Agency | 0 |
| 101 | 0100 - Embarrassing Childhood Stories | 0 |
| 102 | 0101 - Lady FitzWayne Has Needs | 0 |
| 103 | 0102 - At Nearly Any Cost | 0 |
| 104 | 0103 - Plentiful Polymorphic Potential | 0 |
| 105 | 0104 - Return to Lavatio | 0 |
| 106 | 0105 - Consecration | 0 |
| 107 | 0106 - Unfinished Business | 0 |
| 108 | 0107 - Southwall Beckons | 0 |
| 109 | 0108 - Last Day in Hell's Bathtub | 0 |
| 110 | 0109 - Expected Departure, Unexpected Arrival | 0 |
| 111 | 0110 - Summoned | 0 |
| 112 | 0111 - Conjured Goblin Disposal | 0 |
| 113 | 0112 - Follow the Leader | 0 |
| 114 | 0113 - Poor Cedric | 0 |
| 115 | 0114 - Dead Body Dilemma | 0 |
| 116 | 0115 - The Rest of the Road to Southwall | 0 |
| 117 | 0116 - Guards Don't Get Paid Enough to Deal with This Kind Of Thing | 0 |
| 118 | 0117 - Cook Apprentice Before Eating | 0 |
| 119 | 0118 - Firefighting | 0 |
| 120 | 0119 - This Is Why You Don't Mix Potions | 0 |
| 121 | 0120 - The Mush Room | 0 |
| 122 | 0121 - Occupational Hazards | 0 |
| 123 | 0122 - The Culprits | 0 |
| 124 | 0123 - March Towards Reckoning | 0 |
| 125 | 0124 - To Prison | 0 |
| 126 | 0125 - Meet the Neighbors | 0 |
| 127 | 0126 - Performance Negotiation | 0 |
| 128 | 0127 - What Should We Tell Them? | 0 |
| 129 | 0128 - Helping the Guard with their Inquiries | 0 |
| 130 | 0129 - Before the Show | 0 |
| 131 | 0130 - Let It Out | 0 |
| 132 | 0131 - That's Cheating! | 0 |
| 133 | 0132 - Aftermath | 0 |
| 134 | 0133 - Next Steps | 0 |
| 135 | 0134 - Nothing There | 0 |
| 136 | 0135 - An Ordinary Former Library | 0 |
| 137 | 0136 - And I Ate It To Gain Its Secrets | 0 |
| 138 | 0137 - Eat. Fear. Bite. Obey. Live. | 0 |
| 139 | 0138 - Demon Dog | 0 |
| 140 | 0139 - The Nature of the Unnatural | 0 |
| 141 | 0140 - A New Day, a New Promise of Violence | 0 |
| 142 | 0141 - Let the Beatings Commence | 0 |
| 143 | 0142 - Crime Didn't Pay | 0 |
| 144 | 0143 - Run, Don't Walk | 0 |
| 145 | 0144 - It's Rigged | 0 |
| 146 | 0145 - Don't Forget to Pay the Gnoll | 0 |
| 147 | 0146 - Competitive Offers | 0 |
| 148 | 0147 - Gruntle Feels and Thinks | 0 |
| 149 | 0148 - Worrying the Public | 0 |
| 150 | 0149 - Professional Consultation | 0 |
| 151 | 0150 - A Demonstration | 0 |
| 152 | 0151 - Wizards Have Feelings, Too | 0 |
| 153 | 0152 - Continuing the Story in a Tavern, as is Tradition | 0 |
| 154 | 0153 - Consider the Benefits | 0 |
| 155 | 0154 - What Did They Expect, an Invitation to a Fancy Dinner Party? | 0 |
| 156 | 0155 - Proper Attire | 0 |
| 157 | 0156 - A Dinner of Wonders, Potential, and Excessive Excitement | 0 |
| 158 | 0157 - Dinner and a Show | 0 |
| 159 | 0158 - Adventurous Domesticity | 0 |
| 160 | 0159 - All Heroed Out | 0 |
| 161 | 0160 - Stress Relief and Personal Matters | 0 |
| 162 | 0161 - Questions and Answers | 0 |
| 163 | 0162 - A Farewell | 0 |
| 164 | 0163 - Worryingly Weird | 0 |
| 165 | 0164 - Other Perspectives | 0 |
| 166 | 0165 - As Others See Them | 0 |
| 167 | 0166 - "No honor, no bravery, no glory, just kill him" | 0 |
| 168 | 0167 - Mutual Brutality | 0 |
| 169 | 0168 - He Asked For It | 0 |
| 170 | 0169 - A Lesson for the Professor | 0 |
| 171 | 0170 - Strong Stuff | 0 |
| 172 | 0171 - The Joy of Cosmic Horror | 0 |
| 173 | 0172 - Not a Normal Place | 0 |
| 174 | 0173 - So Close and yet So Far | 0 |
| 175 | 0174 - There Was No Cat Stuck In A Tree Available | 0 |
| 176 | 0175 - Bug Bites | 0 |
| 177 | 0176 - Clean-up | — |
| 178 | 0177 - If You're Not Part of the Solution, You Are the Precipitate | — |
| 179 | 0178 - Chekhov's Wren | — |