
by Michael Crouton
Three idiots, a serial killer, and a quest to cure the world's worst 'illness' King Feet is a ginger cat-man convinced he's dying of a terminal illness (he is not). Kaiser is the world-weary robot who has to keep his friends alive despite themselves. Hygiene has not removed his gas mask in years and will burn you alive for asking why. Together, they're on a quest across a broken, absurd multiverse to find a cure, one that requires stealing a corpse from Death, skin from a chain-smoking phoenix, and a brain from the center of a black hole. Naturally, nothing goes according to plan. Meanwhile, a meticulously well-dressed serial killer known only as the Seeder is having a dreadful week. Between fending off a deranged colleague with a talking reflection living in his head, surviving a psychological evaluation from a sentient orb, and hunting the gang who ruined his evening, he's beginning to suspect the universe has personally taken an interest in ruining his hobbies. Equal parts slapstick and slasher, this is a story about found family, terrible decision-making, and the kind of gods who charge you for favors in pineapple pizza. Expect gallows humor, a body count that climbs suspiciously fast, and a cast of characters who are all, without exception, the worst possible person to be in charge.
No streak history
One state-enhanced oracle order, filtered by each list. Observed Royal Road ranks remain separate ground truth.
Rank updated 5 Oct 2026, 19:48 UTC
Entry forecast updated 5 Oct 2026, 19:48 UTC
Ranking model: rs-public-oracle-state-v1
Forecast model: rs-model-entry-v1
Chart history contains only this ranking model's runs; legacy points are not spliced in.
Not enough recent follower history to estimate a shadow rank yet.
beats 65% of similar stories
not enough data yet
beats 27% of similar stories
Hidden gem — exposure is the bottleneck
Readers who find this story follow it at a high rate; there just aren't enough of them. In our cohort data, near-daily posting lifted the odds of reaching 25 followers from ~0% to 17% — more chapters, shoutout swaps and ads buy the eyeballs this conversion deserves.
Benchmarks: 8,060 active Royal Road stories, percentiles within the 5–9 chapters band, cohort of 2026-07-02. Conversion is measured as followers gained per 1,000 views lifetime.