The One-Coin Planet: How I Bought Earth and Sued the Galaxy

Most planets get conquered by fleets of warships. Earth got foreclosed on. We were evaluated as a magic-less rock, slapped with a valuation of exactly one Apex Coin, and tossed onto the cosmic auction block for immediate liquidation. I’m Elias Vance. I’m a forensic auditor. I spend my days unraveling corporate fraud and tracking down hidden assets. When the universe decided to liquidate my planet, I did the only logical thing. I bought it. Now, I own Earth. But the hyper-capitalist syndicate that runs the galaxy hates loopholes. They’ve given an alien warlord the green light to claim my assets in thirty days. He’s bringing legions of mana-shielded shock troops. I’ve got an empty bank account, a clearance-bin AI, and a planet full of spite. They think we’re a bankrupt dirtball. They’re about to learn that if you attempt a hostile takeover on an auditor, your ledger better be perfectly balanced. We aren't just holding the line. We’re counter-suing. And we’re collecting the debt in depleted uranium.