
by Lucent Steele
The Corporation has a standard procedure for uplifting civilizations. Step One: Observe the culture.Step Two: Design a tailored System.Step Three: Deploy. The Skarn have done it millions of times. But they’ve never done it drunk. Earth’s alcohol culture is light-years ahead of anything the Skarn have encountered. Before long they are behind schedule and over budget as they spend all their time performing Cultural Immersion Research. But when Corporate sets a deadline, the Skarn are forced to rush the rollout of Earth’s brand-new RPG System while three sheets to the solar wind. Eight billion people are ripped from reality and dumped into a mandatory tutorial filled with hastily assembled modules and shifting rules. Rhett Graves puts every free point into Charisma. The System gives him a passive skill it has to rename for HR reasons, and makes him a Bard. Now he's leading his party through the raid dungeon they must conquer to return home. Meanwhile, every attempt the Skarn make to fix the System creates another problem, and they still have an entire planet to transform before Corporate discovers how badly the project has gone. Welcome to your tutorial.The entire thing is a fiasco.And the admins are still drunk.
| # | Title | Words |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Prologue - The Preamble Does Not Ramble | 0 |
| 2 | Chapter 1 - Evangelicals and Eggplants | 0 |
| 3 | Chapter 2 - Drunken Blur | 0 |
| 4 | Chapter 3 - Pushing Buttons and Other Instantly Regrettable Actions | 0 |
| 5 | Chapter 4 - Welcome to the Shitshow | 0 |
| 6 | Chapter 5 - Rock Out with Your Roosters Out | 0 |
| 7 | Chapter 6 - A Scramble for Cover(ing) | 0 |
| 8 | Chapter 7 - Discipline and Disappointment | 0 |
| 9 | Chapter 8 - Badgers and Blue Jeans | 0 |
| 10 | Chapter 9 - The Helpful Helper and the Unhelpful Dick | 0 |
| 11 | Chapter 10 - Far Behind Schedule and Well Over Budget | 0 |
| 12 | Chapter 11 - Crashing Headlong Into the Tutorial Level Cap | 0 |
| 13 | Chapter 12 - Zen and the Art of Cellular Reconstruction | 0 |
| 14 | Chapter 13 - A Multiverse of Products, In Your Face | 0 |
| 15 | Chapter 14 - Better Marketing for Better Results | 0 |
| 16 | Chapter 15 - The True Cost of Reconstruction | 0 |
| 17 | Chapter 16 - Bulldozing and Overtime | 0 |
| 18 | Chapter 17 - Monster Zones and Dungeon Clones | 0 |
| 19 | Chapter 18 - Patch 1.0.4.b | 0 |
| 20 | Chapter 19 - Welcome to Duskmere | 0 |
| 21 | Chapter 20 - Rumors, Rats, and Rapscallions | 0 |
| 22 | Chapter 21 - Charm, and Other Uses for High Charisma | 0 |
| 23 | Chapter 22 - The Armpit Black Bag Abduction Method | 0 |
| 24 | Chapter 23 - Decrees of the Allegedly Dead Queen | 0 |
| 25 | Chapter 24 - Not Even a Question | 0 |
| 26 | Chapter 25 - Chemistry is Fun! | 0 |
| 27 | Chapter 26 - Tanking is for Suckers | 0 |
| 28 | Chapter 27 - The Swamp of Soulless Harlots | 0 |
| 29 | Chapter 28 - Oak Trees and Cuddle Puddles | 0 |
| 30 | Chapter 29 - Humiliation Loves an Audience | 0 |
| 31 | Chapter 30 - The Ghost of the Mountain | 0 |
| 32 | Chapter 31 - The Pink Paladin | 0 |
| 33 | Chapter 32 - The Unceremonious End of the Badger Sex Cult | 0 |
| 34 | Chapter 33 - The Sodden Nymph | 0 |
| 35 | Chapter 34 - Reunited, and it Feels So Good | 0 |
| 36 | Chapter 35 - Vindication Forge | 0 |
| 37 | Chapter 36 - An Oath, Inscribed | 0 |
| 38 | Chapter 37 - The Second Tenet | 0 |
| 39 | Chapter 38 - A Weapon, Forged | 0 |
| 40 | Chapter 39 - Where Have All the Healers Gone? | 0 |
| 41 | Chapter 40 - This Feels Deeply Unnecessary | 0 |
| 42 | Chapter 41 - The Filament | 0 |
| 43 | Chapter 42 - The Loom | 0 |
| 44 | Chapter 43 - The Hollow Throat | 0 |
| 45 | Chapter 44 - Down the Throat Hole | 0 |
| 46 | Chapter 45 - Badgers, Flying Shit, and So Many Bones | 0 |
| 47 | Chapter 46 - Howling Horrors and Big Bone Energy | 0 |
| 48 | Chapter 47 - This Feels Deeply Unnecessary | 0 |
| 49 | Chapter 48 - The Thwap Heard "Round the World | 0 |
| 50 | Chapter 49 - Strings Attached | 0 |
| 51 | Chapter 50 - Shirtless Fools and Betting Pools | 0 |
| 52 | Chapter 51 - The Silence Might Be Worse | 0 |
| 53 | Chapter 52 - The Tragedy at Vesper Hill | — |
| 54 | Chapter 53 - The Last Census | — |
| 55 | Chapter 54 - The Call to Evening Prayers | — |
| 56 | Chapter 55 - A New Perspective | — |
| 57 | Chapter 56 - The Distraction of a Plunging Neckline | — |
| 58 | Chapter 57 - A Blight of the Soul | — |
| 59 | Chapter 58 - A Fish Rots from the Head | — |
| 60 | Chapter 59 - Mortals Are the Worst | — |
| 61 | Chapter 60 - Blood for Blood | — |
| 62 | Chapter 61 - Demon Siphon | — |
| 63 | Chapter 62 - A Thousand Feet of Nope | — |
| 64 | Chapter 63 - Hi! My Name is... | — |
| 65 | Chapter 64 - Freely Given, Forcibly Reclaimed | — |
| 66 | Chapter 65 - Fools and the Foolish Decisions They Make | — |
| 67 | Chapter 66 - Multiple Personality Disorder | — |
| 68 | Chapter 67 - Berserkers Cannot Be Reasoned With | — |
| 69 | Chapter 68 - The Difference Between a Lion and a Fool | — |
| 70 | Chapter 69 - The Maiden and the Demon | — |
| 71 | Chapter 70 - A Favor Asked, A Favor Granted | — |
| 72 | Chapter 71 - Cantankerous Cargo | — |
| 73 | Chapter 72 - Glimmering City on a Hill | — |
| 74 | Chapter 73 - The Silverleaf Accord | — |
| 75 | Chapter 74 - The Quill & Corset | — |
| 76 | Chapter 75 - The Lingering Effects of Strange Dreams | — |