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The 5,000 Year-Old Babysitter

The 5,000 Year-Old Babysitter

by Marcus Black

Urban FantasyComedySci-fiContemporaryHard Sci-fiUrban FantasyStrategyComedyMale LeadSci-fi
Rising Stars:Contemporary #14Sci fi #49
Shadow rank ~978–1058 in Comedy↓180

"I warned the Romans about their aqueducts. They called me a madman. They flooded. I warned the Mesopotamians about their grain. They called me a fool. They starved." John has been alive for five millennia. He isn't a hero, a villain, or a god. He’s just the only one in the room who knows how the math works. After five thousand years of being thrown out of the best rooms in history, John finally finds a generation that will listen: The 1940s. From fixing the Manhattan Project to building a sarcastic AI that runs the modern internet, John is the hidden hand behind the 20th century. He doesn't want your worship. He doesn't want your money (he already has most of it). He just wants a decent pastrami sandwich and for you to stop being so incredibly stupid. A story of high-competence, historical irony, and a very sarcastic digital babysitter.

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Changes shown for: last 24h
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Current Rank
#14
Peak Rank
#5
Followers
120
-1
Story Timeline

Started

3mo ago

10

2mo ago

20

2mo ago

Entered Contemporary RS

2mo ago

#14 Contemporary

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50

2mo ago

Left Contemporary RS

2mo ago

Entered Contemporary RS

2mo ago

#7 Contemporary

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Entered Sci_fi RS

2mo ago

#26 Sci_fi

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Left Sci_fi RS

1mo ago

OverviewEngagementProseChapters
Favorites
23
0
FVR
1.01%
Rating
4.03
Ratings
19
0
Reviews
4
0
Comments
N/A
0
RS Days
95
Total Chapters
20
Total Words
0
Avg Length
0
Analyzed
0
Chapter Analysis
Word counts and prose metrics for each chapter
#TitleWordsFK GradeDialogueSSPVariation
1Five Thousand Years of 'Get Out'0----
2Los Alamos and the Miracle of Basic Listening0----
3Pattern Recognition (They’re Actually Learning, Holy Shit)0----
4Let’s Make This Official (AKA The Government Admits Defeat)0----
5The Space Race (I Have Been Waiting For This)0---
-
6The Moon Trip (I Want To Go And You Can’t Say No)0----
7The Moon Landing (I'mma Get So Many Moon Rocks)0----
8The Digital Playpen (Because You’ll Definitely Screw This Up)0----
9The Nixon Problem (Some People Are Immune To Leverage)0----
10The Best Deal In American History (Reagan Runs The Numbers)0----
11The Anomaly Problem (Or: Everyone Noticed, Nobody Asked Until Now)0----
12The Timeout (You Punch The Babysitter, You Sit In The Corner)0----
13The Long Quiet Stretch (Or: Nothing Happened Because We Made Sure Nothing Happened)0----
14The Troublemakers Get Timeout (Or: The Toddlers Set the Playpen on Fire for the Insurance Money)0----
15The Global Circuit (Or: Why Ambition and Arrogance Are Built on the Same Bedrock)0----
16PRISM (Or: Breaking the One-Way Mirror to Restore the National Build)0----
17The Code Review From Hell (Wait, Is The Kernel LAUGHING At Us?)0----
18The Financial Review (Or: Of Course He’s Obscenely Rich, Why Wouldn’t He Be)0----
19The Support Staff (Or: Even He Can’t Do Everything Himself, Unfortunately)0----
20The Financial Review (Or: Of Course He’s Obscenely Rich, Why Wouldn’t He Be) 13 minutes ago0----