by Whypstopher
Gather round, children! Pause your Fortnites, switch off your Tiktoks, and pop a Ritalin, for it’s time for a story! A delightfully deranged story about the most wonderful time of the year: the apocalypse! A day of wrath! A day of mourning! Christmas trees and gingerbread houses in ashes burning! Clinch your butt-cheeks in horror, boys and girls! Biblically accurate angels have come to the North Pole! They come bearing prophecies of a Pagan purge. Santa Claus must surrender Christmas to the Holy Spirit, or else suffer the wrath of Heaven. Unless, in a latch ditch effort, Santa Claus, our lovely Pagan giver of gifts, can kidnap a boy from the human world and train him to be her white knight. But the boy she chooses, Peter, is stupid, cruel, and naughty— the opposite of a hero. With no battle strategy and the Christmas Apocalypse only weeks away, he must learn to fight, to sledge, to bake delicious cookies, and recruit as many yandere Snow Witches, Penguin Queens, and tsun-tsun Peppermint Princesses as he can if he hopes to save Christmas.
| # | Title | Words |
|---|---|---|
| 0 | Chapter 1 – In which Peter Suffers an Utterly Disastrous Blind Date at the Mall | 0 |
| 1 | Chapter 2 – In which a Berserker Reindeer Dashes Peter’s Brains Out | 0 |
| 2 | Chapter 3 – In Which Peter First Meets the Beloved Gift-Giver Santa Claus and Freaks the Fuck Out | 0 |
| 3 | Chapter 4 — In Which Peter is Stripped Naked, Treated for Hypothermia, and Dumped with Exposition | 0 |
| 4 | Chapter 5 — The Food Porn Bacchanalia in which Peter is Sexually Harassed by 1,000 Boy Crazy Elves | 0 |
| 5 | Chapter 6 – In Which the Many, Many Master Elves Introduce Themselves (feat. Tchaikovsky) | 0 |
| 6 | Chapter 7 — Peter Simps for an Adorable Mouse Girl and Gets What All Simps Deserve | 0 |
| 7 | Chapter 8 – In Which Peter is Betrayed by an Itsy-Bitsy 3-Inch Tall Mouse Girl | 0 |
| 8 | Chapter 9 — Concerning Peter’s Tour of Santa’s Workshop wherein He Meets Penguins & A Mad Bomber Elf | 0 |
| 9 | Chapter 10 - Wherein Peter Discovers Yuina the Coding Elf Harbors Secret Feelings for Him | 0 |
| 10 | Chapter 11 — An Unexpected but Completely Necessary Interruption by the Yechdel Test | 0 |
| 11 | Chapter 12 — Concerning the Time Santa Gave Peter a Magical Weapon of Unimaginable Destructive Power | 0 |
| 12 | Chapter 13 – In Which Master Elf Yuzuka Goads Peter into Reluctantly Doing a Penguin Genocide | 0 |
| 13 | Chapter 14 – The Misadventure with the Snow Witch Who was Accidentally Brought to Life | 0 |
| 14 | Chapter 15 - The Snow Witch Abducts Peter to Torture Him with Love and Affection and Frost Bite | 0 |
| 15 | Chapter 16 – The Ravishing Snow Witch Ravishes Peter to the Point of Hypothermia | 0 |
| 16 | Chapter 17 – Foulmouthed Master Chef Yuika Berates Peter for Destroying All Her Mousetraps | 0 |
| 17 | Chapter 18 – The Ghost of Christmas Past Abducts Peter to Show Him Two Horrible Christmases of Olde | 0 |
| 18 | Chapter 19 – The Ghost of Christmas Past Shows Peter A Wonderful Christmas Night He Doesn’t Remember | 0 |
| 19 | Chapter 20 - In Which Several Elves Invade Peter’s Bedroom for Cuddles and Lewd Nocturnal Activities | 0 |
| 20 | Chapter 21 - Relating to Iumina, the Thottiest of the Christmas Elves, and her Attempt to Woo Peter | 0 |
| 21 | Chapter 22 - Relating to the Adventure with Master Yukina’s Reindeer | 0 |
| 22 | Chapter 23 - The Unfortunate Mishap with the Sledge Peter Smashed to Tiny Bits | 0 |
| 23 | Chapter 24 – In Which Peter is Shrunk Down by the Mice Girls and Witnesses a Christmas Miracle | 0 |
