by Ancienthipster
Zardoz Zed have been fifteen years from their big break for fifteen years. Named after Sean Connery's most questionable costume choice, armed with a back catalogue that includes a concept EP defending a misunderstood barbarian villain and a nine-minute tribute to Sean Connery that their guitarist insists is not what it sounds like, and pursued across three counties by the legal team of ZZ Top Entertainment LLC, they are the greatest band nobody has ever heard of. When a sold-out comeback tour ends at the Dog and Trumpet — eleven people, one golden retriever, one cease and desist — frontman Christopher Gaylord does what he always does: pivots to destiny. One final gig. The Galaxy's big room. Five thousand people. All they have to do is get there in five days with no money, no working van, and no plan beyond Christopher's absolute certainty that this time is different. Also they sold their souls at a crossroads at midnight. But that part was fine. Phenyl'phrin — Grade Seven Soul Acquisition Officer, five souls from promotion — considered them an easy mark. He was wrong about this in ways that will require extensive supplementary documentation. Soul'd Out is a road novel, a deal-with-the-devil comedy, and a love story about a band that has no business believing in itself. They believe in themselves anyway. This is probably the problem. It is definitely the solution.
| # | Title | Words |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Dog and Trumpet, or, A Study in Sustained Conviction | 0 |
| 2 | The Crossroads, or, Christopher Gaylord and the Completely Unnecessary Ouija Board | 0 |
| 3 | Phenyl’phrin, Grade Seven, Five Souls from Greatness, or, Where Hell Discovers It Has a Problem | 0 |
| 4 | Proof of Concept, or, The Part Where the Universe Makes a Small but Significant Administrative Error | 0 |
| 5 | The Van Liberation Front, or, Conan Jones and the Completely Disproportionate Response | 0 |
| 6 | Five Days, or, Artie Feldman and the Phone Call He Has Been Waiting Eleven Years to Make | 0 |
| 7 | Day One—The Band, or, Getting Out of Birmingham Takes Significantly Longer Than Anyone Budgeted For | 0 |
| 8 | Day One — The Demon, or, Phenyl’phrin Discovers That Enhanced Monitoring Has Enhanced His Problems | 0 |
| 9 | Day One — The World, or, Two Point Nine Million People Have A Mostly Wrong Opinion About Zardoz Zed | 0 |
| 10 | Legal Interlude I | 0 |
| 11 | Day Two — The Incident at Trentham Services That Will Not Be Named But Will Be Referenced | 0 |
| 12 | Day Two — Phenyl’phrin Receives News About a Corner Office and Develops Complicated Feelings | 0 |
| 13 | Day Two — The World, or, Five Point Two Million People and a Dental Hygienist From Wolverhampton | 0 |
| 14 | Day Three — Maggie Arrives With the Hurdy-Gurdy Exactly As Predicted And Nobody Is Surprised | 0 |
| 15 | Day Three — Phenyl’phrin Opens the Corner Office Door and Finds Something He Did Not Put There | 0 |
| 16 | Day Three — Six Point Four Million People and the Part Where Dave From B&Q Has An Unexpected Tuesday | 0 |
| 17 | Legal Interlude II | 0 |
| 18 | Day Four — The Part Where Everything Almost Falls Apart And Then Doesn’t And Then Almost does again | 0 |
| 19 | Day Four — Phenyl’phrin’s Supervisor Calls and the Conversation Does Not Go Well for Either of them | 0 |
| 20 | Day Four — The World, or, Ten Point One Million People and the Night Before | 0 |
| 21 | The Galaxy — Load In, or, Everything Wrong With The Setup | 0 |
| 22 | The Galaxy — The Gig, or, Zardoz Zed Play the Big Room | 0 |
| 23 | The Galaxy — Unplugged, or, The Song | 0 |
| 24 | The Galaxy — The Decision, or, The Part That Has Already Happened | 0 |
| 25 | Morning — The Numbers, or, Fourteen Million Views and the Part Where Dave Becomes a Verb | 0 |
| 26 | Morning —Phenyl'phrin Completes the Form and Discovers There Is Still a Printrer problem | 0 |
| 27 | Morning — The World Reacts, or, Fourteen Million People and the Morning After | 0 |
| 28 | Legal Interlude III — YouTube vs ZZ Top Entertainment LLC, or, Gerald Discovers a New Jurisdiction | 0 |
| 29 | The Morning After the Morning After, or, Everything That Is Still the Same and Everything That Isn't | 0 |
| 30 | Epilogue — Gay Lord (Provisional), or, The Part Where Everything Continues | 0 |
