The Dark Lord Just Wants to Retire in Peace

In the tiny rural village of Holly-on-Green, terrible things keep happening. Whispers in the trees lure the village children into darkness. Strangers in the inn bring violent intentions. Strange lights in the lake snatch fishermen from the shores. And the new Baron of the land only travels by black coach in the dead of night.These young evils are on the rise, each looking to claim the black throne left empty by the Dark Lord Vladimir Grimm. The breaker of armies, the grave of a thousand failed quests....the village alchemist?!In an unfortunate twist, these nascent villains are about to discover that the rumors of Mir's death are the best lies he ever told. Now, if they want to live, they're going to live under his rules. Because if their actions bring the Heroes to his doorstep there will be hell to pay.This story contains:♦ A loving power couple of husbands.♦ An unrepentantly evil MC who's capable of healthy relationships.♦ Wholesome daily life segments.♦ The bad guys getting snapped in half offscreen.♦ Villainous monologues (look he's trying to quit, he swears).♦ The occasional cooking scene.♦ Cozy interruptions to the high-fantasy narrative.♦ OP magic used in negligently mundane ways.♦ Found family? He didn't sign on for this...