![Duck You! [VOL 1 COMPLETE]](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.royalroadcdn.com%2Fpublic%2Fcovers-large%2F144384-duck-you-vol-1-complete.jpg%3Ftime%3D1771937930&w=640&q=75)
by AsherVayne
[RS ✪ Satire List , Comedy List, GameLit] Meet Kai, an overworked, sleep-deprived Lead Backend Developer from London. After spilling a neon-green energy drink on his keyboard and triggering a language-filter glitch with the word "Duck," Kai is sucked into the buggy code of the fantasy game he was building. Armed only with a malfunctioning Voice-to-Text Admin console, Kai must survive by weaponizing his typos like accidentally turning a world-ending "Apocalypse" into an "Alpacalypse" that crushes enemies under a mountain of fluffy llamas, or summoning a 1950s Delicatessen to delete a brick wall. He is joined by the most unoptimized RPG party ever rendered: Sir Gideon: A moss-covered Knight whose legendary sword was accidentally autocorrected into a sticky, sugar-glazed pumpkin. Grom: An 8-foot-tall Orc Guildmaster who wears a tailored suit, treats all combat as "hostile corporate restructuring," and fights with a rotary minigun called "The Severance Package". Maya: The game's enraged Senior Artist who paints Wile E. Coyote-style tunnels onto Blue Screens of Death to escape deletion. Viscount Pigglesworth: An aristocratic NPC who defeats terrifying bosses simply by demanding to speak to their manager and critiquing the terrible fonts on their End User License Agreements. What to Expect:A Broken System: Magic is just bad code, missing textures, and exploiting the economy's 32-bit limit.LitRPG Parody: Boss fights against a singing Purple Dinosaur that deletes you with hugs, a 50-foot psychopathic Paperclip, and corporate "Monetizers" putting reality behind a paywall.No Harem: Just crushing anxiety, massive microtransaction debt, and weaponized bureaucratic entitlement. (Upload Schedule: Daily through February. 5x weekly starting March.) I only share my work on Royal Road and Scribble Hub. If you are reading this somewhere else, it was put there without my permission.
| # | Title | Words |
|---|---|---|
| 0 | Chapter 1: Duck You! | 0 |
| 1 | Chapter 2: The Unrendered Zone | 0 |
| 2 | Chapter 3: The Loading Screen & The Vegetable Knight | 0 |
| 3 | Chapter 4: The Bass of Entry | 0 |
| 4 | Chapter 5: The Alpacalypse | 0 |
| 5 | Chapter 6: The Bill of Consequences | 0 |
| 6 | Chapter 7: The Glazed Blade and the Viscount | 0 |
| 7 | Chapter 8: The Texture of Fear | 0 |
| 8 | Chapter 9: The Buffering Heroes | 0 |
| 9 | Chapter 10: The Paperclip of Doom | 0 |
| 10 | Chapter 11: The Terms of Departure | 0 |
| 11 | Chapter 12: The Al Dente Campfire | 0 |
| 12 | Chapter 13: The Scroll of Infinite Liability | 0 |
| 13 | Chapter 14: The CAPTCHA Guardian | 0 |
| 14 | Chapter 15: The Cache of Cookies | 0 |
| 15 | Chapter 16: The Live Stream | 0 |
| 16 | Chapter 17: The Village of 404 | 0 |
| 17 | Chapter 18: The Great Firewall | 0 |
| 18 | Chapter 19: The 800-Pound Gorilla | 0 |
| 19 | Chapter 20: The King of the Jungle | 0 |
| 20 | Chapter 21:The Swamp of Sadness | 0 |
| 21 | Chapter 22: The Market of Misfits | 0 |
| 22 | Chapter 23: The Tavern of Lorem Ipsum | 0 |
| 23 | Chapter 24: Dangerous Dave | 0 |
| 24 | Chapter 25: Saved by the Bell | 0 |
| 25 | Chapter 26: The Trash Can of Destiny | 0 |
| 26 | Chapter 27: The Court of Red Tape | 0 |
| 27 | Chapter 28: The Recycle Bin | 0 |
| 28 | Chapter 29: Error 404: Violence Not Found | 0 |
| 29 | Chapter 30:Liquid Assets | 0 |
| 30 | Chapter 31: Nap time is forever | 0 |
| 31 | Chapter 32: The Floor is Lava | 0 |
| 32 | Chapter 33: The Wheels on the Knight | 0 |
| 33 | Chapter 34: The Lossy Compression | 0 |
| 34 | Chapter 35: License to Clip | 0 |
| 35 | Chapter 36: The Buffer Overflow | 0 |
| 36 | Chapter 37: PTSD ( Post Traumatic Soft Disorder) | 0 |
| 37 | Chapter 38: The City of Naym-Pen-Ding | 0 |
| 38 | Chapter 39: Saint Gordon’s Chariot | 0 |
| 39 | Chapter 40: The Log Files | 0 |
| 40 | Chapter 41: Brie-aking the Laws of Physics | 0 |
| 41 | Chapter 42: Sudo Judo | 0 |
| 42 | Chapter 43: The Kinetic Feedback | 0 |
| 43 | Chapter 44: The Blue Screen of Style | 0 |
| 44 | Chapter 45: 270 Degrees of Separation | 0 |
| 45 | Chapter 46: The 8 lbs/£ Demon | 0 |
| 46 | Chapter 47: The God of Spilled Coffee | 0 |
| 47 | Chapter 48: The Good, The Bad, and The Loading Bar | 0 |
| 48 | Chapter 49: 2 Fast 0 Friction | 0 |
| 49 | Chapter 50: For a Few Textures More ... | 0 |
| 50 | Chapter 51: The Meatball Compliance Protocol | 0 |
| 51 | Chapter 52: The Montage of Mediocrity | 0 |
| 52 | Chapter 53: The Great Polish | 0 |
| 53 | Chapter 54: The Leek Syndicate | 0 |
| 54 | Chapter 55: Too Big to Fail | 0 |
| 55 | Chapter 56: Don’t Feed the Troll | 0 |
| 56 | Chapter 57: Forced Perspective | 0 |
| 57 | Chapter 58: Sunset Protocol | 0 |
| 58 | Chapter 59: Total Whitespace | 0 |
| 59 | Chapter 60: Read-Only Mode | 0 |
| 60 | Chapter 61: The Customer Is Always Right | 0 |
| 61 | Chapter 62: Critical Mass | 0 |
| 62 | Chapter 63: Duck Ex Machina | 0 |
| 63 | END OF BOOK 1 | 0 |
| 64 | Chapter 1: The Kingdom of Grey | 0 |
| 65 | Chapter 2: Mind the Gap | 0 |
| 66 | Chapter 3: Home Sweet Dungeon | 0 |
| 67 | Chapter 4: ERROR 404 - Employee not found | 0 |
| 68 | Chapter 5: The Millwall Firewall | 0 |
| 69 | Chapter 6: The Spreadsheet Shield | 0 |
| 70 | Chapter 7: Ctrl-Alt-Delicatessen | 0 |
| 71 | Chapter 8: The Shattered Partition | 0 |
| 72 | Chapter 9:The Quarantine Protocol | 0 |
| 73 | Chapter 10: Unsupported Hardware | 0 |
| 74 | Chapter 11: Retail Dungeon | 0 |
| 75 | Chapter 12: Flagship Experience | 0 |
| 76 | Chapter 13: The Termination Interview | 0 |
| 77 | Chapter 14: The Performance Review | 0 |
| 78 | Chapter 15: Unpaid Overtime | 0 |
| 79 | Chapter 16: Compile Error | 0 |
| 80 | Chapter 17: The Paywall | 0 |
| 81 | Chapter 18: The Rose & Crown | 0 |
| 82 | Chapter 19: Legacy Code | 0 |
| 83 | Chapter 20: The Tetris Protocol | 0 |
| 84 | Chapter 21: Mandatory Factory Reset | 0 |
| 85 | Chapter 22: The Bureaucratic Side Quest | 0 |
| 86 | Chapter 23: Godefroy de Montmirail | 0 |
| 87 | Chapter 24: The Free-to-Play Downgrade | 0 |
| 88 | Chapter 25: Infinite Momentum | 0 |
| 89 | Chapter 26: The Roaming Tariff | 0 |
| 90 | Chapter 27: Unlimited Corporate Account | 0 |
| 91 | Chapter 28: The Monetized City | 0 |
| 92 | Chapter 29: La Vie en Rose | 0 |
| 93 | Chapter 30: The Museum of Paywalls | 0 |
| 94 | Chapter 31: Arsene Lootin’ | 0 |
| 95 | Chapter 32: The Opt-out Clause | 0 |
| 96 | Chapter 33: Checkout Required | 0 |
| 97 | Chapter 34: The Debugger | 0 |
| 98 | Chapter 35: All Roads Are Mine | 0 |
| 99 | Chapter 36: Between Two Servers | 0 |
| 100 | Chapter 37: The Colosseum of Engagement | 0 |
| 101 | Chapter 38: The Algorithm Demands Blood | 0 |
| 102 | Chapter 39: Clout is thicker than Blood | 0 |
| 103 | Chapter 40: The Ratio | 0 |
| 104 | Chapter 41: Unallocated Space | 0 |
| 105 | Chapter 42: Rollback to Omni | 0 |