
by GeorgeDBeard
The dirtiest wizard alive. All Bob Brown wanted was to get home, get in the bath, and binge his head off on Jonny the Man. What he got... was teleported mid-soak into a messed-up System initiation right in front of his golden retriever. Bob must bluff, battle and bullshit his way through four dastardly challenges to make it back to the warm, fuzzy embrace of his dog. Only to discover... the world's gone bonkers. Planetary death-bounties. Exploding pus-grenades. Drunken magical thugs. Why does everything seem out to get him? Lucky then Bob's scored himself the ultimate cosmic power: the power to control... mud. Good men fight for their families. Great men fight for their dogs. What to expect:- Progression — Zero to Hero (slow burn) - Real Character Growth - Action, Absurdity and Adventure - Background British Humour - Overpowered Dog Knight Companion Tagline Bloopers:Bath time's over!The Lord of Puddles.Dirt Cheap Magic. Chapters drop T/Th Read to end of Ch 18 then decide.
No streak history
Rank updated 14 Aug 2026, 02:28 UTC
Entry forecast updated 13 Aug 2026, 04:15 UTC
Overall Rising Stars shadow rank
deep field · ~#2969 of 7,628 · 2919 below #50
By genre
beats 62% of similar stories
beats 12% of similar stories
beats 60% of similar stories
Mid-pack, room on both levers
Traffic and conversion both sit mid-field for a story this size. Growth here compounds from consistency: steady cadence feeds traffic, and a sharper hook lifts what each view is worth.
At this conversion, the Comedy Rising Stars bar (≈2 new followers/day) costs about 3.5k views/day — the story currently gets ~431.
Benchmarks: 8,060 active Royal Road stories, percentiles within the 150+ chapters band, cohort of 2026-07-02. Conversion is measured as followers gained per 1,000 views over the recent window.