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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire

How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire

by Daecrist

AdventureComedyDystopiaKingdom BuildingMale Lead
Shadow rank ~#801 in Comedy↓8

Updates M-W-F. Books 1 and 2 complete! Life was good. I was captain of a cruiser in the Combined Corporate Fleets. Master of my own destiny. As much as you can be master of your own destiny living under the Terran Corps. Then it all came crashing down. A simple mission to roust a livisk invasion fleet from a planet human colonists had rightly stolen went bad. Long story short I sort of got captured by the alien hottie I kinda disgraced at that aforementioned colony world battle and taken back to her world as her prisoner. Only I didn’t get thrown into the reclamation mines with the rest of my crew. No, for some reason I’ve intrigued my alien captor. For some reason she’s keeping me close by in her luxurious skyscraper surrounded by her personal army. For some reason I kinda like it. Especially after I discover her species has warrior pairs who psychically bond, and we accidentally pulled the whole permanent mind meld thing. Which shouldn’t be possible between human and livisk. Oops. Now I have a new mission in life. Free my crew from the mines and figure out what’s going on with me and my alluring alien captor. The only problem? It turns out her love language is conquest! It won’t be easy. There’s a mad empress trying to kill us, nobles plotting around us, a crew to rescue, an empire to overthrow, and maybe if I play my cards right a wedding to plan. On a world where wedding planners think trial by single combat is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with a bridezilla! Who knew it would take getting captured by humanity’s mortal enemies to find true love?  What to expect: -A strong HFY theme with humanity kicking ass -A story that's a loving and sometimes tongue-in-cheek homage to old pulp novels with a hero who's constantly doing improbably over the top heroic stuff that always seems to work out -A strong nearly instalove romance between a human and alien -Fighting injustice against a galactic empire, sometimes using morally questionable means -A slow burn fight against a sprawling cruel galactic empire that involves changing lots of hearts and minds. Sometimes at the barrel of a gun WARNING: This is set in a far future, but there are references to modern sci-fi and stuff from twentieth century monoculture thrown in. The idea being that if Shakespeare contributed so much to our language, I figure pop culture from the monoculture is going to persist. Especially sci-fi stuff that gets incorporated into space exploration. Some people love it. Some people hate it. If you're the kind of person who hates that kind of thing, or you can't invoke the MST3K mantra while reading a story that doesn't take itself too seriously, look elsewhere. Seriously. Patrons get to read up to ten weeks (30 chapters) ahead!

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Peak Rank
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Followers
1,074
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Story Timeline

Started

1y ago

Tracking

2mo ago

1k

2mo ago

OverviewViews and follower statisticsEngagementProseChapters
Favorites
291
0
FVR
0.17%
Rating
4.37
Ratings
157
0
Reviews
N/A
0
Comments
N/A
0
RS Days
0
Total Chapters
264
Total Words
0
Avg Length
0
Analyzed
0
Chapter Analysis
Word counts and prose metrics for each chapter
#TitleWordsFK GradeDialogueSSPVariation
11: Boarded0----
22: Active and Engaging Dynamic Realtime Combat Experience0----
33: Prisoner0----
44: The One That Got Away0----
55: No Win Scenario0----
6
6: Back to the Bridge
0
-
-
-
-
77: Over the Coals0----
88: Confined to Quarters0----
99: Bar Talk0----
1010: Mind Meld0----
1111: New Orders0----
1212: To the Shuttle Bay0----
1313: Picket Ship0----
1414: Captain on the Bridge0----
1515: Decompressing0----
1616: Settled In0----
1717: Dregs0----
1818: Captain's Table0----
1919: Unwinding0----
2020: End of the Evening0----
2121: Funky Chunks of Ice0----
2222: Ship to Ship Meet Cute0----
2323: Don't Panic0----
2424: Active and Engaging Dynamic Realtime Ship to Ship Experience0----
2525: Mortally Wounded0----
2626: Head Case0----
2727: Boarders0----
2828: Today Is A Good Day to... Sleep?0----
2929: Canned Officers0----
3030: Explosive Reunion0----
3131: Waking Up Is Hard To Do0----
3232: Medical Meet Cute0----
3333: Inner Strength0----
3434: A More Polite Awakening0----
3535: New Digs0----
3636: Escape Attempt0----
3737: Interstellar News0----
3838: Getting Ready0----
3939: Today Is A Good Day to Dine0----
4040: Dinner Interrupted0----
4141: Breaking Tension0----
4242: The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything0----
4343: Escape. From A Certain Point of View0----
4444: The Grand Tour0----
4545: The Fleet0----
4646: The Need For Speed0----
4747: Flight Test0----
4848: The Reclamation Mine0----
4949: Words vs. Deeds0----
5050: Property Rights0----
5151: High Velocity Translation Errors0----
5252: Air to Air0----
5353: Fancy Flying0----
5454: Homecoming0----
5555: The Morning After0----
5656: A New Day0----
5757: Mechanic0----
5858: Priorities0----
5959: End of Day0----
6060: Sparring0----
6161: Empress Calling0----
6262: A Secret Place0----
6363: Scheming0----
6464: Summoned0----
6565: Explosive Date Night0----
6666: Dinner and a Dogfight0----
6767: Challenger0----
6868: Demolition Date Night0----
6969: Gathering Intel0----
7070: Planning0----
7171: Dinner and a Scheme0----
7272: Dance Lessons0----
7373: Training or Torture?0----
7474: Dishonor0----
7575: Fully Operational Battle Pair0----
7676: Crazy Terran0----
7777: Trial by Combat0----
7878: Dropping Bombs0----
7979: Explosivo0----
8080: Damage Report0----
8181: Disaster Area0----
8282: Rescue Operations0----
8383: True Fear0----
8484: Good Help Is Hard to Find0----
8585: Working Together0----
8686: Chain of Command0----
8787: Unexpected Transports0----
8888: Combat Decoration0----
8989: Drop Ship0----
9090: I Just Love Scanning For Lifeforms0----
9191: Rescue Operation0----
9292: Hurry Up And Wait0----
9393: Swan Dive Through Hell0----
9494: Player Three0----
9595: Combat Intelligence Unleashed0----
9696: Ambushed0----
9797: A Traditional Human Salute0----
9898: Hand to Hand0----
9999: Slow Motion Combat0----
100100: Rage0----
101101: Reunion0----
102102: Debriefing0----
103103: Tempting Fate0----
104104: The Empress0----
105105: Your Worship0----
106106: Distractions0----
107107: Revelations0----
108108: Research and Distractions0----
109109: Do It Better0----
110110: Many Enemies0----
111111: Mild Treason0----
112112: To Boldly Rebel0----
1132-1: Threading Needles0----
1142-2: Through the Undercity0----
1152-3: The New Boss0----
1162-4: New Friends, Old Friends0----
1172-5: Reunited0----
1182-6: Meet the New Boss0----
1192-7: Negotiating Terms0----
1202-8: The Humans Yearn for the Mines0----
1212-9: The Universe's Malevolent Attention0----
1222-10: Boredom Under Fire0----
1232-11: An Explosive Entrance0----
1242-12: Cartoon Coyote Impressions0----
1252-13: What's A Few Threats Between Enemies?0----
1262-14: Battle Pair Benefits0----
1272-15: Your Love Is Like Bad Medicine0----
1282-16: Through the Ruins0----
1292-17: Well Baby I Hear Ambush A Callin'0----
1302-18: Thank the Picard0----
1312-19: Battle Pair Field Test0----
1322-20: Dangers in the Dark0----
1332-21: Killing Time0----
1342-22: Escape Attempt0----
1352-23: Another Prince Consort0----
1362-24: Scheming0----
1372-25: Taking A Captive0----
1382-26: The Cavalry0----
1392-27: Character Development0----
1402-28: Battlefield Mercy0----
1412-29: Catching Breath0----
1422-30: Preparations0----
1432-31: Desperate Times0----
1442-32: Desperate Measures0----
1452-33: Just Like the Simulations0----
1462-34: Furball0----
1472-35: Threats and Bluffs0----
1482-36: Buying Time0----
1492-37: Tunnel Rats0----
1502-38: Captive?0----
1512-39: The Terran Fox0----
1522-40: Negotiating0----
1532-41: Underworld Recruiting0----
1542-42: Breather0----
1552-43: A Little Help From My Friends0----
1562-44: Combat Difficulties0----
1572-45: Honorable Defeat, For Now0----
1582-46: Sons of Bitches0----
1592-47: Hurry Up and Wait0----
1602-48: Soft Reset0----
1612-49: Delays0----
1622-50: Experiments in IRL Platforming0----
1632-51: Slightly Unhinged Wildly Dangerous Terran Thinking0----
1642-52: Frustrating Captives0----
1652-53: Shantytown0----
1662-54: The Spider0----
1672-55: Delicious Bait0----
1682-56: The... Armory?0----
1692-57: Status Report0----
1702-58: Turncoat0----
1712-59: Setting Up0----
1722-60: Payoff0----
1732-61: Troop Disposition0----
1742-62: Jailbreak0----
1752-63: A Bucket of Bolts With Dramatic Flair0----
1762-64: Power Armor Heroics0----
1772-65: Honorable Overwhelming Force0----
1782-66: Overconfidence vs a Plasma Sword0----
1792-67: Intimidation Over Initiative0----
1802-68: Surrendering For the Glory of the Empress0----
1812-69: Beating A Very Brave Retreat0----
1822-70: Don't Call It A Retreat0----
1832-71: Pre-Ass Kicking Checklist0----
1842-72: Airborne Tank Battle0----
1852-73: Negotiation Via Rapid Massive Ordnance Delivery0----
1862-74: Preconceived Notions of Properly Achieving Victory0----
1872-75: The Best Laid Stupid and Potentially Deadly Plans0----
1882-76: Going On A Trip In A Makeshift Rocket Ship0----
1892-77: Victory or Death0----
1902-78: Aftermath0----
1912-79: Old Link, New Link0----
1922-80: Stupid Effing Plans That Tend to Work Out0----
1932-81: Shoving A Potential Nuke Where the Sun Don't Shine0----
1942-82: Non-Lethal Conversation Starters0----
1952-83: Bros Before Empresses0----
1962-84: A Boon0----
1972-85: Decompressing0----
1982-86: Keeping Up Human-Livisk Relations0----
1992-87: New Research Subjects0----
2002-88: A Second Battle Pair Has Hit the Livisk Ascendancy0----
2012-89: New Digs0----
2022-90: Wrapping Up0----
2033-1: Home Sweet Home0----
2043-2: Consort or Fall Guy?0----
2053-3: Harath0----
2063-4: First R&R, Then Cardio0----
2073-5: Sleep Interrupted0----
2083-6: Morning Sparring0----
2093-7: Strike First. Strike Hard. No Mercy0----
2103-8: Precocious Unholy Terrors0----
2113-9: Parenting, Conferences, and Mild Sedition0----
2123-10: Sweep the Legs0----
2133-11: Beware Clever Terrans0----
2143-12: REMF0----
2153-13: Underworld Machinations0----
2163-14: Bad Influences0----
2173-15: Fun Interrupted0----
2183-16: Media Matters0----
2193-17: This Is INN0----
2203-18: Terran Influencer0----
2213-19: Trauma Processing0----
2223-20: The Great Sparkling Blue Hunter0----
2233-21: Beach, Please0----
2243-22: Going On A Trip in a Boring Cargo Ship0----
2253-23: The Importance of Predictability in the Monarchy0----
2263-24: The Secret to a Good Bluff is Holding All the Cards0----
2273-25: Combat Yacht0----
2283-26: Demoralizing the Enemy Via Fancy Flying0----
22927: Sending a Message With a Bang0----
23028: Back on the Bridge0----
2313-29: Opening My Big Mouth and Tempting the Universe0----
2323-30: Grand Old Battle Axe0----
2333-31: Scheming0----
2343-32: Nobles, Bickering, and Annoying the AI0----
2353-33: Bippity Boppity Battlegroup0----
2363-34: Fancy Flying0----
2373-35: Fancy New Digs0----
2383-36: Post Exercise Paperwork0----
2393-37: Boredom0----
2403-38: Gifts0----
2413-39: Taking Command0----
2423-40: General-consort0----
2433-41: Monitoring Frequencies0----
2443-42: First Contact?0----
2453-43: Thinking Like A Terran. Reluctantly.0----
2463-44: This Ain't Bozeman0----
2473-45: Deescalation0----
2483-46: After Action0----
2493-47: The Science Team0----
2503-48: Lessons0----
2513-49: Expert Tutelage0----
2523-50: Confidence and Command Authority in a Pint-sized Package—----
2533-51: Plan of Semi-Attack—----
2543-52: Attack to Escape—----
2553-53: Just Like the Simulations—----
2563-54: A Sense of the Sublime in a Murderous Child's Smile—----
2573-55: Duplicitous Double Crossing Bastards—----
2583-56: The Ripley Gambit—----
2593-57: A Dishonorable Lack of Death—----
2603-58: Clean Up and Lessons—----
2613-59: Clean Up and Lessons—----
2623-59: Sending A Message—----
2633-60: Systems in Need of Fixing—----
2643-61: Back to the Carrier—----