Nobody Expects the Branish Inquisition [Fantasy, Comedy]

According to prophecy, a child would be born who would grow up to save the world from its sins. The only problem is selecting who the child would be. For the Church of Brannia, the choice is as simple as a majority vote. Problem solved. But things get complicated when a certain orphan is found on the cathedral’s doorstep… Alice is The Chosen One, though she doesn’t know it yet. She just wants to enjoy life for a bit before taking up adulthood and finding a job. Unfortunately for her, the Church has other plans. There can only be one Chosen One in town, and it certainly can’t be her. On the run and out of luck, she finds an unlikely ally in Arthur, an amateur adventurer who’s always wanted to be a hero for the ages. Together with Arthur’s plucky mentor, they blunder through a whirlwind series of ridiculous events, the church authorities hot on their tail. Will Alice confront her true heritage? Will Arthur prove himself worthy? And will Elyas find the perfect case of rum? Well this is their chance to find out. But they better be careful because nobody expects the Branish Inquisition. What to expect: - The Spanish Inquisition. - Fantasy comedy adventure in an rpg-inspired setting. Think Life of Brian but as a D&D campaign. - Not a litrpg, no blue boxes. No harem, no isekai - Some references to sexual content, but no explicit sex scenes or nudity - Some references to torture / enhanced interrogation, but no actual depictions - An 86k word completed standalone novel