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I Am A Table [LitRPG Isekai Progression Fantasy]

I Am A Table [LitRPG Isekai Progression Fantasy]

by D.N. Newyn

LitRPGPortal Fantasy / IsekaiProgressionComedySlice of Life
Shadow rank ~235–281 in Comedy

When an ordinary man awakens in The Uninspiringly Named Medieval Realm, he expects the usual isekai treatment—powerful abilities, legendary weapons, maybe even a hero’s destiny. Instead, he finds himself in the most prestigious role imaginable. A wooden table. Featherwood, to be exact, which allows him to become super fast. If he can walk. Blessed with a miserable stat spread (except for an absurdly high Agility score) and a RPG system that’s set on screwing him over, he is transported to the Township of Iakesi. With no mouth to speak, no arms to wield a sword, and no skills to aid his survival, his future looks bleak. But when his Status Window appears, he realizes something: He can level up. WHAT TO EXPECT in I am a Table: 1. A Sentient Table as MC 2. A Completely Useless Yet Overpowered Skill Set 3. The Most Unhinged System Ever 4. An ABSURD Sense of Humor (You've been warned) 5. Extremely Bizarre Character Classes 6. VERY Mild Fade-to-Black Content, Mainly for Comedic Purposes 7. The magic system is based on The Six Pillars of Reality instead of simply affinity. It will be explained further in the World-Building Notes. Release Schedule: Four times a week

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Followers
1,238
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Story Timeline

Started

1y ago

10

2w ago

20

2w ago

50

2w ago

100

2w ago

250

2w ago

500

2w ago

1k

2w ago

OverviewEngagementProseChapters
Favorites
N/A
0
FVR
0.27%
Rating
4.05
Ratings
N/A
0
Reviews
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0
Comments
N/A
0
RS Days
0
Total Chapters
134
Total Words
0
Avg Length
0
Analyzed
0
Chapter Analysis
Word counts and prose metrics for each chapter
#TitleWordsFK GradeDialogueSSPVariation
1Chapter 1: He is now a table0----
2Chapter 2: Do not scratch me you felonious feline!0----
3Chapter 3: I love buttocks against my face0----
4Chapter 4: It has 160 Max HP? And I have 6?!0----
5Chapter 5: Did I tell you I got a pet termite? His name is Clint. Clint Eatswood0---
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6Chapter 6: I propose a Table Duel, or I shall take your wife0----
7Chapter 7: NEW SIDEQUEST: Observe the Chicken0----
8Chapter 8: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!0----
9Chapter 9: Rub your butt on me. Just one rub, I promise!0----
10World-building Notes0----
11Chapter 10: NEW QUEST UNLOCKED: Sell Cabbages!0----
12Chapter 11: That’s not a chicken, that’s my wife!0----
13Chapter 12: Oh cabbage, my cabbage, you’re stable like a table0----
14Chapter 13: There is nothing shameful about having a small wand inside you0----
15Chapter 14: I pray you have ‘1 Unread Notification’ on your screen forever!0----
16Chapter 15: Blasting orcs away was not as important as solving world hunger0----
17I have succumbed to sickness!0----
18Chapter 16: You have an innate talent for making people sit down at the exact same time0----
19Chapter 17: A piñata, the most powerful being in all the lands0----
20Chapter 18: Keep yelling at me and kick me in the butt!0----
21Chapter 19: The morally sound path always pays absolute garbage0----
22Chapter 20: That sounds so sad. Anyway, when are you gonna teach us some spells?0----
23Chapter 21: It’s ridiculous how kale is considered a luxury, while cabbage is not0----
24Chapter 22: You might lose a mortgage contract under a head of cabbage0----
25Chapter 23: The foundational essence of xianxia cultivation is not pronounced ‘kiwi’!0----
26Chapter 24: BLOSSOMING BUTTOCK0----
27Chapter 25: The Art of Table Dueling0----
28Chapter 26: Tables don’t have butts0----
29Chapter 27: Shut up, you dangling donkey0----
30Chapter 28: I’m the one who needs attention here; preferably medical attention0----
31Chapter 29: Why are mages fighting with blades?0----
32Chapter 30: You’ve been manhandled by a woman0----
33Chapter 31: The Celestial Feather of Skycluck0----
34Chapter 32: To truly master financial magic, you must learn the next step: Balance Sheets!0----
35Chapter 33: What’s a little attempted murder amongst friends?0----
36Chapter 34: You licorice-brained lizard! YOU OVERSIZED GUMMY WORM!0----
37Chapter 35: No more buying random pebbles or trinkets without setting up a trust fund0----
38Chapter 36: New Status Effect Applied: Furniture0----
39Chapter 37: The only purpose of NPCs is to give you quests then drop off the face of the Earth0----
40Before you Read! (Somewhat) Important!0----
41Chapter 38: Does this horse have lung fever?0----
42Chapter 39: What does the temple even do with donations?! Buy fancier sun embroidery?0----
43Chapter 40: I just shot the arrow, not my fault it hit someone!0----
44Chapter 4.5: I wish I can be as strong as an orc without looking like one0----
45Chapter 41: He should be running ten laps around the temple as we speak!0----
46Chapter 42: Why does this specific chant sound so Roman?0----
47Chapter 43: By the way, Robert, how does one get off a horse?0----
48Chapter 44: I will only steal from the elderly and children from now on0----
49Chapter 45: You’re OLD!0----
50Chapter 46: The Archmage of Chickenthorpe0----
51Chapter 47: That guy’s gonna hit us with the power of dirty dishes0----
52Chapter 48: If this magic system is real, why was I reincarnated as a damn TABLE?0----
53Chapter 49: What did you just call me?0----
54Chapter 50: Why don’t you just sit on my face for once!0----
55Chapter 51: Captain Stevie Jobs Motorola of Nokia0----
56Chapter 52: It’s a basic technique, he said as he beheaded the God of all Kings0----
57Chapter 53: Harry Porker and the Half-Blood Sausage0----
58Chapter 54: Why did you decide to be ethical NOW?0----
59Chapter 55: 15000 EXP?! The last level required 100! 0----
60I Am Not A Table0----
61Chapter 56: Was this some kind of twisted metaphor about capitalism?0----
62Chapter 57: If he’s a human, Lena must be an elephant!0----
63Chapter 58: He’s a furniture. They don’t do much, you know0----
64Chapter 59: Servants don’t do anything, Lena! They just work0----
65Chapter 60: Gimme my GAINS!0----
66Chapter 61: Who puts a poisonous metal plant in the front garden FOR GUESTS TO SEE?0----
67Chapter 62: Hooray! She’s still breathing! But still poisoned.0----
68Chapter 63: Look at you, being so unimportant. Nobody cares about you!0----
69Chapter 64: Does time freeze when you monologue or something? 0----
70Chapter 65: Let us begin before anyone else tries to employ reason0----
71Chapter 66: Obey the laws of physics only when necessary0----
72Chapter 67: CELESTIAL INFINITY ARC SPOON REQUIEM!0----
73Chapter 68: This is supposed to be a Stealth mission…0----
74Chapter 69: If things are going to the gutters, punch them in the groin0----
75Chapter 70: The cosmic power of animating furniture0----
76Chapter 71: Hi, Rob’s wife!0----
77Chapter 72: Stupid technical wording!0----
78Chapter 73: It’s grease-based enhancement architecture!0----
79Chapter 74: I am already eighteen, just so you know!0----
80Chapter 75: But not that I like men! It’s just my objective observation.0----
81Chapter 76: Remind me again why we brought a table along?0----
82Short announcement0----
83Chapter 77: ANTI-WIND-BASED DISTURBANCE FIELD ACTIVE (Patent Pending)0----
84Chapter 78: “I’m fine, I’m not mad, you do what you want, really, I’m fine” 0----
85Chapter 79: There has to be a better name than lightBOB0----
86Chapter 80: That was supposed to hiss, not detonate!0----
87Chapter 81: The structural integrity of the bench seems marginally superior0----
88Chapter 82: ROMANCE?! IN MY FANTASY WEBFICTION?!0----
89Chapter 83: Another day, another person in this universe jumping to conclusions0----
90Chapter 84: Men who eat carrots get really attractive eyes (Facts)0----
91Chapter 85: What color is Ducaz’s pinky toe?0----
92Chapter 86: But she was just… inspecting me so thoroughly!0----
93Chapter 87: Singjun Uwu, the master woodworker from the famous Sofa Levelling0----
94Chapter 88: Fiddlesticks and cabbage leaves!0----
95Chapter 89: The Secret Artifact Stealing from Respectable Magi project0----
96Chapter 90: My Foreign Markings On A Furniture Surface Detector!0----
97Chapter 91: I’ll be a donkey right now! Hee-haw! 0----
98Chapter 92: If worse comes to worst, I can just buy another table!0----
99Chapter 93: (((23+7)−3)×2−sqr(16)​)÷(5×4)0----
100Chapter 94: This is not dark magic! It's unlighted magic0----
101Chapter 95: Trees are monkey food, not a skill holder!0----
102Chapter 96: It’s almost like the author just thought of this nonsense on the spot0----
103Chapter 97: If this was a book series, this would be the end of Book 10----
104Chapter 98: She wore a pair of metallic gauntlets labelled ‘Donkey Self-Riding Gauntlets’0----
105Chapter 99: Lena exclaimed, having contributed nothing to the battle0----
106Chapter 100: He didn’t just eat that gum. He consumed its magical potential0----
107Chapter 101: I didn’t travel to ANOTHER realm just to be disturbed by some fools!0----
108Chapter 102: Just because you had to inject common sense into the situation! 0----
109Chapter 103: WE’RE INVADING THE GUMMY BEARS0----
110Chapter 104: Why is he impossibly overpowered for no reason?0----
111Chapter 105: How much more likely is marginally more likely?0----
112Chapter 97.5: I’ll have to stay alive from an asteroid assault while being carried by LENA?0----
113Chapter 106: The chicken performed a dizzying series of aerial somersaults and mid-air spins0----
114Chapter 107: Surely you have room to carry a table along?0----
115Chapter 108: Everyone else can die. Where are my knives?0----
116Chapter 109: I did NOT court the King’s advisor’s advisor’s dog whisperer’s uncle’s daughter0----
117Chapter 110: HE’S A GOOD BOY0----
118Chapter 111: THAT IS NOT NUTTINGHAM. THAT IS A HOUSECAT WITH ISSUES0----
119Chapter 112: Even the door gives quests now?0----
120I’ve written the best writing of my life and I need y’all help0----
121Chapter 113: If we forget about it, it’s probably not important0----
122Chapter 114: Consume a Sentient Quill0----
123Chapter 115: Cope, seethe, mald0----
124Chapter 116: Initiating Endurance Training. Potential reward: 30 END0----
125Chapter 117: A god with no altar, which I am.0----
126Chapter 118: Your chest is untouched? Let me fix that0----
127Chapter 119: I can sell you for so much money!0----
128Chapter 120: Acronymal in origin, though none remember for what0----
129Chapter 121: Ride it like you ride me0----
130Chapter 122: I survived. But at what cost?0----
131Chapter 123: This is amazing. I am amazing.0----
132Chapter 124: Must’ve been a month already.0----
133Tabling this for now0----
134New Book0----